On Riding Rollers

This was written a number of years ago, in response to taunting from PK and others in terms of riding rollers, or lack there of, on my part. It later showed up in the NEMBA SingleTracks magazine. Who would have guessed that only a few years later I would be intimately familiar with them and their torturous ways.

Those rollers aren't fit for man or mouse
I do not want them, in my house.

I would not ride them, if I could
I would not, will not, though I should.

I'll ride my bike through snow and rain
although it gives my taint such pain.

I'll gladly take a butt that's wet
over riding those things I have not met.

They look so boring, snoring, bland
like counting traffic up by hand.

I'm surely fatter, weaker, slow
but the torture of rollers, I shall not know.